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Glossary

60 terms from the language of intimacy and kink, simply explained. No jargon, no judgment, and no assumption that you knew a single one before landing here.

These definitions are here to help you understand the questionnaire, not to prescribe anything. None of the activities on this page is expected of you, and checking nothing at all is just as valid an answer.

Consent and safety

The foundation. These ideas come before any activity, and they get talked through again every time.

Informed consent
An agreement given freely, with a clear understanding of what is going to happen, by someone in a state to decide. It can be withdrawn at any time, including in the middle of an activity, with no need to explain why.
Negotiation
The conversation beforehand: what you want, what you refuse, how long, the setting, the stop signals. There is nothing cold about it, and it prevents most unpleasant surprises.
Safeword
A word agreed in advance that stops everything, immediately. Pick one outside your usual vocabulary so it can never be mistaken for part of the play.
Traffic light system · green, yellow, red
A three-level version of the safeword. Green: all good, keep going. Yellow: slow down or change something. Red: stop.
Nonverbal safe signal
A gesture, or an object you let go of, for when speaking isn't possible. Essential as soon as a gag or restraints are involved.
Soft limit
Something you don't rule out but that needs the right conditions, trust, or a gradual approach. A soft limit can shift over time, at your own pace.
Hard limit
A firm no that isn't up for negotiation and doesn't need explaining. A hard limit is respected, period.
SSC · Safe, Sane and Consensual
A long-standing principle in the BDSM community: activities should be safe, sane and consensual. Easy to remember, though sometimes criticized as vague about what “safe” really means.
RACK · Risk-Aware Consensual Kink
A more recent approach: no activity is completely risk-free, so what matters is that everyone knows the real risks and accepts them with full awareness.
PRICK · Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink
A variation on RACK that stresses individual responsibility: each person educates themselves rather than relying on their partner.
Aftercare
The time right after: staying close, having a drink, getting warm, talking or just being quiet. It is part of the experience, not an optional extra.
Drop · sub drop, dom drop
A dip in mood or a wave of tiredness that can hit a few hours or a few days after an intense scene, on either side. Good aftercare and a check-in the next day are usually enough.

Roles and dynamics

Roles, not fixed identities: you choose them, share them, and they can change from one time to the next.

Dominant · Dom, Domme
The person who leads the scene and makes the decisions within the agreed limits. Taking the lead is a responsibility before it is a power.
Submissive · sub
The person who hands control over to the other. They set the boundaries beforehand, and they keep the safeword.
Switch
Someone who moves between roles depending on the moment, the partner or the mood.
Top
The person doing something to the other, without that implying any power dynamic.
Bottom
The person on the receiving end. Again, this has nothing to do with being dominated, necessarily.
Versatile · vers
Describes someone equally comfortable in either position.
Master, Mistress
A dominant role that lasts over time rather than for a single scene, with rules that carry on outside the bedroom.
Brat
A playful, disobedient submissive role that goes looking for a reaction rather than obeying. Staged teasing, never a real refusal.
Domestic service
Everyday tasks built into the dynamic: tidying up, serving, preparing things. A D/s device more than actual housework.
D/s · Dominance and submission
All the forms of play based on a consensual power exchange, regardless of any pain or restraint.
Protocol
The agreed rules: a way of addressing each other, a posture, a ritual. What gives the dynamic a recognizable structure.
Contract
A written document that sums up limits, rules and expectations. Not legally binding, but very useful for getting clear and for rereading with a cool head.

Bondage and restraint

All of these call for safety shears within reach and someone who stays present the whole time.

Bondage
The art of restricting movement with rope, tape, cuffs or straps. From simply holding someone's wrists to elaborate ties.
Shibari, Kinbaku
Japanese-style rope bondage, where the pattern matters as much as the restraint. It takes real learning: some rope placements put pressure on nerves.
Suspension
Lifting all or part of the body with rope. The most technically demanding practice, never something to improvise.
Harness
A rig of straps or rope worn on the body, often as much about looks as function.
Cuffs
Wrists or ankles linked together. Leather or fabric cuffs spread pressure better than metal handcuffs.
Spreader bar
A rigid bar that keeps the legs or arms apart at a fixed distance.
Gag
An accessory that prevents or muffles speech. Requires a nonverbal stop signal agreed in advance.
Blindfold
Taking away sight to heighten the other senses and the element of surprise. Often the gentlest way into this kind of play.
Mummification
Wrapping the whole body, with plastic wrap or bandages. Watch out for heat and duration.
Confinement
Staying in an enclosed or restricted space for a set time. Easy breathing and temperature come before everything else.

Sensation and stimulation

Intensity builds gradually. It isn't something you jump to with the first touch.

Impact play
Anything based on striking: a hand or a toy, at varying intensity. Warm up before building, and avoid the kidneys, joints and spine.
Spanking
The most common form of impact play, with a bare hand or a flat toy such as a paddle.
Flogger
A whip with many soft, flexible tails. The sensation is broad and diffuse, and easier to control than a thin implement.
Crop, cane
Thin implements that focus the impact on a small area. The sensation is stingy and much sharper.
Wax play
Dripping candle wax onto the skin. Candles made for wax play melt at a low temperature: an ordinary candle can burn.
Temperature play
Alternating hot and cold, with ice, metal or your breath. A simple way to vary sensations without pain.
Sensory deprivation
Taking away one sense, such as sight or hearing, to amplify the others. A blindfold and noise-canceling headphones are enough to get started.
Clamps · nipple clamps
Sustained pinching on the skin. Taking them off is more intense than putting them on: that's the moment to give a heads-up.
Edging
Getting close to orgasm and then stopping, several times in a row, to make the arousal last.
Orgasm control
Deciding whether, when and how the other person gets to come. A D/s device that needs no toys at all.

Role-play and scenarios

Fictions played out by two people, with boundaries negotiated before stepping into them.

Scene
The play session itself, with a clear beginning and end. Naming the start and the finish helps everyone know where they stand.
Role-play
Playing characters or a situation for the length of a scene. The character stops at the safeword; the person is still there.
CNC · consensual non-consent
A scenario that acts out refusal, when everything has been negotiated beforehand and a stop signal is in place. One of the practices that demands the most trust and preparation.
Pet play
Taking on the behaviors of an animal, with or without accessories. Often more tender and playful than the name suggests.
Humiliation play
Degrading words or situations, chosen and limited in advance. The list of words that are allowed, and above all the ones that are off-limits, is set beforehand.
Chastity
Delaying or preventing access to pleasure for an agreed period, with or without a device. The duration is decided together.
Exhibitionism
The pleasure of being seen. Best enjoyed in places meant for it: the consent of the people around you matters as much as yours.
Voyeurism
The pleasure of watching, with the explicit consent of the people being watched.

General vocabulary

The words you see everywhere that nobody ever explains.

Kink
A preference or practice outside what's assumed to be the norm. The word is descriptive, not derogatory.
Fetish
A strong attraction to an object, a material or a body part, which becomes an important part of desire.
Vanilla
Anything outside the kink realm. The term is neutral: neither style is better than the other.
Praise kink
Being especially responsive to compliments and encouragement during intimacy.
Erotic hypnosis
Using suggestion and a relaxed state in an intimate setting. Consent needs particular care here, since that state affects judgment.
Munch
An informal meetup for people in the kink community, in a public place and with no play involved. Often the first way in.
Play party
An organized event where play can happen, with clear rules and people in charge of making sure they're followed.
Debrief
Talking the scene over once things have settled, with a clear head: what you enjoyed, what was missing, what to adjust. That's where the next time takes shape.

What's next

The questionnaire in the app uses this same vocabulary, with a plain-language definition on every question. You can browse it without filling anything in, just to see what it's about.

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